Beatrice 'Tris' Prior (
selfishorbrave) wrote2015-03-06 09:01 am
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[Teleios] test drive
She stands on top of the temple roof and gazes over the rest of the city. The building itself is not very tall; three stories pales in comparison to other heights she's found herself at. But on top of the hill, the view is good enough to see her new location and scout out places of interest. She knows that's not what prompted the climb though. That had been because of restlessness. Because if she sits still too long, the memories start to creep in.
Her mother being shot.
Killing Will.
Her father's body lying among countless others. Tris having no choice but to leave it there.
It's bad enough that the memories come to her at night. It's bad enough that she keeps them all from Tobias. She hasn't been able to figure out what to say to him yet. Her last memories of home had been winding up among the factionless. Caleb's still back there. He's the only family she has left and it makes her think that she needs to fight harder to leave Teleios. But she hasn't. Doesn't.
Going back means seeing them. Possibly seeing Christina if she survived the simulation. Being thrust in the middle of a war again. She's Dauntless. She should be braver than this. She has to be. Someone needs to do something back home. Someone needs to go to Candor and make them and the Dauntless currently staying there see reason about the Erudite plans and convince them to help. To fight.
But here, she doesn't even have to look at a gun. Instead, she gets to stand on the edge of a building and look down at a factionless world where people seem to know, regardless, where they belong.
Her mother being shot.
Killing Will.
Her father's body lying among countless others. Tris having no choice but to leave it there.
It's bad enough that the memories come to her at night. It's bad enough that she keeps them all from Tobias. She hasn't been able to figure out what to say to him yet. Her last memories of home had been winding up among the factionless. Caleb's still back there. He's the only family she has left and it makes her think that she needs to fight harder to leave Teleios. But she hasn't. Doesn't.
Going back means seeing them. Possibly seeing Christina if she survived the simulation. Being thrust in the middle of a war again. She's Dauntless. She should be braver than this. She has to be. Someone needs to do something back home. Someone needs to go to Candor and make them and the Dauntless currently staying there see reason about the Erudite plans and convince them to help. To fight.
But here, she doesn't even have to look at a gun. Instead, she gets to stand on the edge of a building and look down at a factionless world where people seem to know, regardless, where they belong.
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Tobias knows what it's like to kill someone. He knows what it's like to choose death over disabling. He understands. After all, his power to murder someone is one of his fears. He doesn't know if he can make her feel better about it, but he does wish she'd talk to him about it.
And he doesn't care if she ever picks up a gun again as long as she's not rushing headlong into dangerous situations. If she's going to need one, he needs her to be able to use one.
Yes. It would. Her scowl beckons a hint of a smirk from him. "Pardon me for trying to make life a little easier on the girl I love." He is so used to holding onto information that actually giving it away seems awkward and unnatural. He doesn't let go of her wrist which means...
Yeah.
Well, that works and he does let go of her wrist. His instinct is to wrap her up in his arms, feet off the ground. Instead he takes a step back, every muscle in his body tense with not retaliating. The only thing stopping him is that she is still too close to the edge for his liking.
"Feel better now?" he asks through gritted teeth.
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She's not most girls. He's not most boyfriends.
Which means she's grinning widely when he lets go of her wrist. She wraps her palm over the section he had grasped. She rubs at the spot a little, not because he had hurt her (which he hadn't) but because the feel of his grip still lingers. They were both raised Abnegation. Touches mean something.
"No," she replies, purpose taking a backward step closer to the edge of the temple. "No, Tobias. You need to stop sheltering me."
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Tobias thinks that she needs to be protected from herself. She's reckless with her life and he's afraid he's going to lose her because of it. Part of the reason he wants to protect her is because he does think she's keeping secrets from him, or that she's not handling the things that have happened to her well. He wants to protect her because he loves her, because he can't stand to lose her. He's not trying to piss her off or push her way; he's trying to hold onto her.
No. This much is entirely true. They'll never be most people.
Touch always means something. He touches no one else casually and he probably won't ever be able to.
That flicker of something in his eyes, that's fear because she's too close to the edge for his liking, but he doesn't move toward her or reach out to grab her. It's obvious he wants to, but he doesn't. Not yet. "Perhaps I'll stop trying to shelter you when you start talking to me and stop being so reckless with your life. You're important to me, Tris. Do you know how long I've been here without you? 4 months, three and a half weeks and about eight hours."
because he would know this information. The muscles in his neck are corded, tense. There's emotion and need etched into every line of his body, the expression on his face and thick in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you." Again is implied.Far softer than anything else he's said thus far: "I need you."
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For now, though, she's still that girl who felt too selfish to fit in with the rest of Abnegation. And it's why she stays at the edge despite that look of fear in Tobias' eyes. She knows he wants her to step away but she stays there, anyway.
"You kept track." But the words don't come out nearly as incredulously as she'd like. His last three words completely silence any lingering words of anger. The corner of her lips quirk upward in the starts of a grin, brief but full of the tenderness those words evoke. She steps away from the ledge and towards him, then reaches out to place her hand on his cheek. Softly, "I'm here now."
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He can't help put be afraid of her on the edge. Yes, he's projecting his fear onto her when he knows she's not afraid of heights, but he can't help it. Yes. He wants her to step away and it is an act of willpower not to reach out and grab her, pull her closer.
"I couldn't help but keep track," he confesses. He'd hated every single one of those days. Even when her lips quirk upward he's not certain what she's thinking, not certain whether what he's said is okay or not until she steps toward him, until her hand is against his cheek. He closes his eyes and wraps his arms around her waist.
"You could be a very realistic simulation," he tells her with the ghost of a grin on his face. "I'd say a dream, but my dreams have never been this good."
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Her hand slips down from his cheek to the nape of his neck and she uses it as leverage to move his face down toward hers as she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him. She smiles as their lips meet. Tris'll never get tired of kissing him. Never.
It's a quick kiss though and as suddenly as she kisses him, she pulls away enough to rest her forehead against his. "You're Divergent," she reminds him. "And if someone's using Jeanine's stronger serum, I probably wouldn't be doing this."
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It turns out, he's very lucky.
And he's incredibly aware of that luck as her hand moves to the nape of his neck. His hair is still Abnegation short because at his core, that's who he is and her fingers prickle-tickle-thrill against his skin. He feels more than sees the smile against his lips and the kiss is far too fleeting (they all are) but he won't ever complain about her kissing him.
The corner of his mouth quirks up at her words. "You've got a point. That kiss would be much longer and we probably wouldn't be standing on a rooftop." Though he's having a hard time remembering the rooftop part.
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Suddenly, she doesn't want to think about serums or simulations anymore. Even joking about it starts to trigger that guilt that brought her up to the to roof to begin with. She had shot Will because he had been under a simulation and would've killed her. She hadn't thought twice about it. Now it's all she can think about even held safe in Tobias' arms.
She slips out of his arms without another word and starts to walk back towards the edge, keeping her back to him so he can't see the conflicting emotions on her face.
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Tobias hates heights. They are the least of his fears, but they still terrify him. For Tris, he's braved heights before and he will again. He watches her for a moment, brow furrowed then steps up behind her, one arm going around her waist. He bows his head just a bit.
"Did I say something wrong?" He sounds thoroughly confused because he is confused. Flirting, dating and relationships are new to Tobias and doing it all in a situation that isn't life or death is new as well.
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She really isn't as brave as she wants to be.
His question stings about as much as the nick of a knife would and it's enough to make her finally pull away. She shakes her head in response as she folds her arms up against her chest. "I just want to be alone."
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However
Today isn't that day. He lets her pull away and nods. He's not happy about being pushed away, but she's dealing with a lot: this place, the house, what happened back home, so he will give her this. Today.
"I'll be in the rec center down the street when you decide you don't want to be alone anymore."
The truth is, he'll probably be running through his fear landscape then he'll go use punching bags, throwing knives, weights and exercise to cope with the fallout from the fear landscape. He's going to go be obsessive, Tris. Don't leave him alone for too long. He doesn't do nearly as well as he wants everyone to think he does.