selfishorbrave | [Teleios] test drive

She stands on top of the temple roof and gazes over the rest of the city. The building itself is not very tall; three stories pales in comparison to other heights she's found herself at. But on top of the hill, the view is good enough to see her new location and scout out places of interest. She knows that's not what prompted the climb though. That had been because of restlessness. Because if she sits still too long, the memories start to creep in.

Her mother being shot.

Killing Will.

Her father's body lying among countless others. Tris having no choice but to leave it there.

It's bad enough that the memories come to her at night. It's bad enough that she keeps them all from Tobias. She hasn't been able to figure out what to say to him yet. Her last memories of home had been winding up among the factionless. Caleb's still back there. He's the only family she has left and it makes her think that she needs to fight harder to leave Teleios. But she hasn't. Doesn't.

Going back means seeing them. Possibly seeing Christina if she survived the simulation. Being thrust in the middle of a war again. She's Dauntless. She should be braver than this. She has to be. Someone needs to do something back home. Someone needs to go to Candor and make them and the Dauntless currently staying there see reason about the Erudite plans and convince them to help. To fight.

But here, she doesn't even have to look at a gun. Instead, she gets to stand on the edge of a building and look down at a factionless world where people seem to know, regardless, where they belong.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Or, she thinks, if it had been that simulation Jeanine had used on him in the Abnegation headquarters, he wouldn't be thinking about a longer kiss. He'd think she was the enemy again and he'd be doing his best to kill her rather than kiss her. She thinks that she likes his version of a simulation better. No. There's no doubt. She definitely likes his version a lot better.

Suddenly, she doesn't want to think about serums or simulations anymore. Even joking about it starts to trigger that guilt that brought her up to the to roof to begin with. She had shot Will because he had been under a simulation and would've killed her. She hadn't thought twice about it. Now it's all she can think about even held safe in Tobias' arms.

She slips out of his arms without another word and starts to walk back towards the edge, keeping her back to him so he can't see the conflicting emotions on her face.

Her simulation is more likely, but Four has been looking at Teleios as a simulation designed to make him want to stay here as opposed to a simulation designed to make him want to kill the person he loves the most. He likes his version of the simulation better as well, but he'd rather that this wasn't a simulation. He's spent a long time not doing well in Teleios, but with Tris here he's beginning to see that they could both have a life and for the first time since he arrived here, he thinks he might want that life.

Tobias hates heights. They are the least of his fears, but they still terrify him. For Tris, he's braved heights before and he will again. He watches her for a moment, brow furrowed then steps up behind her, one arm going around her waist. He bows his head just a bit.

"Did I say something wrong?" He sounds thoroughly confused because he is confused. Flirting, dating and relationships are new to Tobias and doing it all in a situation that isn't life or death is new as well.

She doesn't stop him from wrapping his arm around her waist. She wants to, though. Tris had stepped away from him for a reason. It's because she had come here initially to be alone and the direction her thoughts had just taken reminded her of that. His arm around her waist reminds her that she isn't alone and of all the secrets she's still keeping from him. He had come clean about her parents' house being here. Why can't she do the same?

She really isn't as brave as she wants to be.

His question stings about as much as the nick of a knife would and it's enough to make her finally pull away. She shakes her head in response as she folds her arms up against her chest. "I just want to be alone."

Tobias tries to know when to push her and when to back off. His first instinct is always to push her until she breaks because beautiful things happen when Tris' breaks. He likes watching the way she wakes up, the way she seems so alive when she breaks. He knows that when Tris breaks, he can finally get through to her; she'll finally listen and that's when she's vulnerable to changing, to believing. One of these days he will have to push her until she breaks about Will. He will have to prod and push and pry until she breaks wide open.

However

Today isn't that day. He lets her pull away and nods. He's not happy about being pushed away, but she's dealing with a lot: this place, the house, what happened back home, so he will give her this. Today.

"I'll be in the rec center down the street when you decide you don't want to be alone anymore."

The truth is, he'll probably be running through his fear landscape then he'll go use punching bags, throwing knives, weights and exercise to cope with the fallout from the fear landscape. He's going to go be obsessive, Tris. Don't leave him alone for too long. He doesn't do nearly as well as he wants everyone to think he does.

[Teleios] test drive

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